Micro Econs was the Last Straw...

Okay a random update...

okay, over the week, i've kinda been dreading the days, and well, hmm... probably been emo-ing a bit. =/ but seriously, life seems so sad and depressing atm when all you have to do is assignments for uni. =(

Okay, let's see. Monday, i couldn't wake up for my lecture. i kinda forgot any important details... I know that i've recently been hanging out with this all girl group, where it's like 1 indian and 1 malay from KL, they're both from rossmoyne. =/ & doing commerce like me. =) & There are like 3 international students who are chinese girls from malaysia, i think? yeah. but i only talk to 2 of them, the 3rd one usually isn't there when i'm around cause she has classes. =/
eventually, on tuesday? i told the indian girl, brindha that i'm gay. just didn't see a reason to hide anything,
But anyways, yeah, been hanging around them, and it's like, lol, i'm sucha pimp, huh. XD Hmmm. skip skip, i went to uni on wednesday when i dont have any classes, but i went cause i wanted to finish off my accounting group assignment, which eventually, it was done...
cause i was curious about her and the girl gang's relationship status. i'm such a busybody wanting to know whether they're taken already or single.
So after we were done, i was doing work, trying to work on my microeconomics essay,cause i really need to do my best in it, to get the best marks i can for micro econs, knowing that i didn't do very well in my mid sem exam, but still hoping i could pull off a 75 ish %...
HAHAHA, cause they're quite decent pretty girls. =) wouldn't be surprised if they're taken. =)
Anyways, oh, like the leavers 06 gang was there in the library too, they have a econs group project, and boon, fi, peter, the wai twins, yeah, they were working on their stuff, dropped by and chatted for a while. =/
ishan had been hospitalised and was pretty damn sick, so uhh, dont wanna reveal too much,
Boon hing was looking at my diary, where i had stapled all my receipts and stuff and there are my drawings too, so it's like, he just took it, and started reading and like, dot dot dot. slightly embarrassing. =_=""" bleh... Anyways, after that, i kinda couldn't be bothered studying at all, so i was looking out the window,and listening to my music. & just... Enjoying, the scenery... pressing my fingers against the glass of the window, to see the fingerprints made. =P
don't say that i'm the blabbermouth too. but this is for my ownself to know, really.
Yeah, a lot of day dreaming. OH Yeah, & I hadn't mentioned. x) On Monday, cause like, i had ordered a couple of headphones from the website ifrogz.com. which was a pretty cool site i found about 1.5 months ago? You can even design your own headphones with what they give you. & I found that pretty damn amazing, & SUPER COOL!!! Can customise it, & Plus, there's no over-advertising, like how Skullcandy, another brand of headphones, which their designs are cool,but the skull stickers, the word skullcandy on the headband thing, there's just too much advertising for them... i'm a person who doesn't like doing ads. so yeah
yeah, so he was a bit like, very agitated and not calm.when i was asking/testing him about how to do some acc. stuff, he couldn't stick to an answer
Well, i reckon that the Earpollution headphones (a strange name, i admit) but the advertising is minimal, & the prices are Really Considerable. I bought mine for $USD 35 & they were having a 20% off promotion at that time. So TOTALLY MUST MAKE USE OF THE PROMOTION~~~ I had also bought another pair of headphones for $USD 50... which i asked my bro to help me pay with his paypal. i bought some extra random stuff which were also on promotion such as water resistant bags for ipods and stuff (that is when i will have one. =/) & yeah...
and the thing is, he's done accounting before, so uhhhh... accounting isn't something u'd forget very easily,
This was ages ago, i probably purchased them around 15-20th April, & they were supposed to arrive by 28th April, but because of the Anzac weekends and everything. 8-11 working days, my foot. Yeah, so Like, i guess the mail wouldn't come on saturdays and sundays right? So the whole time on monday, i was like, i really want it to arrive, but i shouldn't expect too much, because i'll only be disappointed. T_T
and here he has, forgotten how to use special purpose journals which were pretty basic stuff we did in year 11-12 accounting. =/ very scary indeed to me
BUT DAMn HAppy that they finally arrived. =) So i saw the package on the dining table (obviously brought in by my bro) & So Hahaha. that made my day. =) Like aLmost everything was there. The Blue Headphones that i had customised on the site! I was like, YAY!~~~ SUPER COOL!!! Actually, i was probably expecting too much of it, expecting it to be larger and chunkier, but it is like, normal ish size. not bad, but i guess i was expecting too mcuh. but still not bad, & So Yeah. XD Satisfied with what i've received. =D The only problem was, the $USD 50 headphones wasn't there. (O_O)""" Like WTH?!?!?! SIF!!!

Eventually, sent them an email on tuesday or something, & they were willing to send another pair, which will take another 8-11 working days, which my estimate says 3-4 weeks. =_=""" But oh wells, I was pretty happy with my headphones, so i've been wearing them around almost everywhere. XD

I would post the pictures up, but like, no time these days. =(

But oh okay, i've obviously drifted off from what actually happened on wednesday... Okay, so after listening to music on my phone on those headphones, i eventually went home... I was tired, so i was sleeping, napped from 5 ish PM - 8.30 PM. and when i went online, someone told me that the Results for the Accounting Mid Semester exam was out already...

so, I looked at my marks. The accounting exam was 60 marks. & turned into a percentage of 20% cause that's how much the mid sem exam is worth in the accounting unit. =/ Okay, So i checked it, & I got 19/20. I was satisfied. I expected no less. =/ LoL a bit arrogant, aren't i, huh. But yeah... But like 19/20 means that i lost 3 marks in the mid sem exam somwhere. which means that, definitely someone would've gotten a higher mark than me in accounting. DAMn, I'm sure soemone would have gotten 58/59 or even 100% out of the 60 total marks. =_=""" oh wells, but i was satisfied with 19 so far...

BUT, I also saw that the Results for my micro econs mid sem exam was out too!!! I was like, omg, i'm scared, but the results are there, no use hiding right? after 2-5 mins of being scared to open it. I eventually saw my results.

19.5

19.5 out of 30. I was like, OMG, are u serious. I was like... Okay, Fine, MAybe i deserve this mark cause i didn't study as much as i should have, but omg, are you for real?!?!??!!?!? I DIDN"T EVEN REACH 2/3 OF the MARKS?!?!?! SIIFFFFFF!!!

I was somewhat complaining to my bro, even my bro had gotten 24/30 for his mid sem exam. I was being calculative, & then realised, if i wanted to get 80% HD for micro econs, I would have to score 90% on the final exam. THAT is Totally Too Much to Ask for... ARE YOU FREAKING SERIOUS I ONLY GOT 19.5/30?!?~?!@~?!@~?

So yeah, hate micro econs for life now... and fine, even in TEE, my econs turned out to be a negatively surprising low mark of 67% whereas i was used to getting 80% for that subject...

Naturally, the competitive person i am wasn't satisfied with this mark, and could only sulk. i spent the rest of the night in my room, on my bed, just... "letting out the inner demons" in a way... =/

I might as well blog it all out here, right?

okay, so yeah. Many negative thoughts going through my head. Yeah, so natural me is sulking, and never happy with anything. IT's so easy to forget everything i have, and to only feel so alone. It was only natural for my personality to sink into the darkness, to realise how in comparison to the existence of many other people in the real world, i am practically useless and meaningless...

I'm no one special, i don't have any special talents. I may be able to do above average in many things, *yeah, the pride still remains*, but i'll never be able to do anything that will let me stand out from the crowd. At the end of the day, I'll still be alone, in the very same bed, wishing that someone was there to make everything feel better...

So, the other side of me, comes bashing up myself even more, Why the heck was i sulking on my bed, indulging in my own self pity and not spending the time to be more constructive and improving myself? Heck, I could seriously do better in making myself a better person, and etc.etc.etc. But the heart, resistant to change, hates the idea of changing...

In protest, my mind began shifting to the thoughts of, what if i became a saint or something, becoming a super nice person, who started helping everyone and bringing joy to people's lives and everything. Hooray for the world, but looking back at my personality. I know that deep inside, i'd still be empty inside, because that would only be a mask i put on, and that's not what my real personality is and not what it would do...

It's just Not Me... It's Just Not Me At All...

Then What AM I Worth??? I Hate it when i feel so damn useless and pathetic, but it is the truth after all, that i am nothing worthwhile... Cause if i was, wouldn't someone have already snatched me up already?

In a way, you could say that i was crying because i got a bad mark in my micro econs mid sem exam. but that sounds really stupid, to be crying cause you did less than your expectations in an exam (and worse still, 19.5/30 is still a pass, about 60% ish, and it's still better than many others who would've failed) So, NO, that's not the real reason. it was merely "the last straw that broke the camel's back"

yeah, the depression had been building up for ages, it was only about time, i finally break down, & I still haven't picked myself up yet either... I'm still selfish, emo and depressed as I always am...

Yeah, that was another thought that was going thru my head. a selfish depressing pessimistic person like me, as much as i'd like to think sometimes, i'm a nicer person who can hope... i'm still who i am, and who i am seems pretty damn worthless, useless and pathetic, crying by himself on the bed, and can't see anywhere to turn to... even if there was a place to turn to, i wouldn't run to it, cause i hate being more of a burden and trouble to other people... like, i'm selfish enough already, causing others even more trouble, is just pushing it...

Bleh, I spent the rest of the night, somewhat cheering myself up by slacking. powerpets, facebook. you name it. I was youtube-ing christina aguilera's songs. and no doubt, xtina has a powerful voice which she uses very well in singing those signature ballads of hers. Beautiful indeed...

Bleh, i slept at about 4-5 AM in the morning, to wake up at about 9 ish AM, to go to uni, and get through the last day of the week... What to say... Hmmm. OH yeah, Okay, so i was crossing the road, & the 98 bus just passes by me, & I'm like, sigh, can't make it, I'll just take my time walking, and wait for the next bus.

HOWEVER!!! The bus was stopping at the stop!!! & so people were getting on the bus?!?!?! I was like, OH MY GOSH!!! RUNNING RUNNING RUNNIGN!!!! I was running for 15-20 seconds, the bus still hadn't LEFT???!?!! I was like, omg, so damn lucky me!!! I finally reached the entrance of the bus, & there was a guy who was like counting the coins to give the bus driver. so i was like, Thank the guy who was stalling the bus driver, cause i would definitely have been late for my micro econs lecture if i had not made this bus. *phew*

BUT the bad thing was, I realised i had lost one of the things that i had bought from the ifrogz website. it's an iyoyo, to help with the cords of headphones or any electronical appliances, so it doesn't get so extremely tangled up. the thing was that, i was running, and i had probably dropped it while i was running, without noticing. so yeah, pretty sad. the thing costed $USD 3. ish. it's not cheap really. but like, sigh... no use fretting over it.. cause it's lost...

Bleh, Anyways, anything else that was random? after the micro econs lecture, i went to my stats lab, where hanging out with the group of girls, to work on our stuff to figure out how to use microsoft excel. =/ eventually, got the work done somewhat. & everyone else had to go. i was hanging out with the indian girl, brindha, and a chinese girl, whose nickname is emkay. (which i said, emkay = M.K. sounds so cool, like mortal Kombat. HAHAHAHAH jk. but like MK = emkay, the conversion actually sounds cool, right? =D)
& like, eventually, i revealed to her and yen yen that i was gay. It was very funnny.
Anyways, I went to my next class which was an Accounting workshop, the thing is, this damn random guy i don't even know was sitting next to me. fine, no problem with that, i was doing my own work, and everything...
cause yen-yen, another girl, was around,& so emkay was looking at a guy who she said was hot, & I was like,where where?
Suddenly the guy was playing with my pencil case keychains. Which i have a glow-in-the-dark keychain of my name "Joel" & he was like touching it and turning it to see my name. I was like, okayyyyy. that was random (thinking to myself)... pretending i didn't see that guy was playing with a stranger's pencil case's keychains...
& yen yen was like, why? you shouldn't be looking at guys, should be looking at hot girls,brindha & I were laughing. HAHAHA so that's when i told them. XD
Thing is though, you guys should know that i hang a chobits Chii on my pencil case, right? & THE GUY STARTED PLAYING WITH MY CHII?!?!?!?!?! I was like going crazy to myself, OMGG!!!! Sif some random guy who doesn't even know me, & never even talked before, starts touching my pencil case and my beautiful chii... >=( So adorable & cute, I perve on her sometimes in class, groping her curves which she is quite exposed, only wearing undies.

Like, That's for me to play with. & THIS DAMN RANDOM GUY WAS PLAYING WITH IT?!?!?!?! WTH?!?!?!?! OMG. I was like, somewhat going crazy internally at how random this asian guy was, touching my stuff. =_=""""

Anyways, whatever, i went off to my next class, and everything, hmmm. so finished all my classes for the week, & I was talking to a guy from the tute i just had, he was like smoking. & like, okay, well, u guys should know how much i despise smoking...

Anyways, he was smoking, i gotta say, thank goodness for the wind direction, that i couldn't smell any smoke. anyways, he was just talking to me, so like, he's a nice person and all, so i just return the conver... so yeah, he's not a bad person, i guess. just a pretty slack person. he was like, telling me about how he was drinking and playing poker. he is on scholarship,and was using the grant money to gamble, playing poker. LOL. I was like, hAHAHAHAH, IT's funny in a sense, (but it's damn sad, if u look at it from a serious pov, which that would be me, if i did give a damn about him)... =/

But anyways, yeah, so i went off to the library as he went off another direction. sooo yep yep. yeah, i was catching up on 2/3 stats lectures that i had missed this week. & I was like pretty much falling asleep in front of the computer in the library, it's probably damn embarrassing.but i was tired and all, and the indian lecturer isn't really interesting. heck, the subject is damn complicating, and i'm getting all stressed out worrying about how to study this subject and how to remember all the stupid formulae and procedures, as the guy speeds through them so fast. =_="""

Anyways, So bla bla, skip skip, fast forward, i come back home, i ate dinner. i was washing the toilet, which i was supposed to wash last weekend, but due to being so very busy, there's no time for anything. i dunno why i'm here blogging, but well, i really did wanna update on my feelings and everything.

So yep yep, I'm gonna have to wake up semi-early tmrw cause i'm going to UWA tmrw, to have to discuss with the all girl gang about the micro econs essay. >_<""" After that, have to rush to work at IGA... hooray. -_-"" Hope i have enough energy. =/

Until the Next Post,
JoeL Un... =_="""

Life isn't really very great these days. I promise myself, when all the assignments are over, when my final exams are over. I will still do my best to get HDs in all my subjects, and well, i should tell myself it's okay if i don't... It's not the end of the world, but bleh...

i really wanna sing my heart out someday soon... Wonder if anyone wanna go sing karaoke with me. The bad thing is, i know my personality really depends on what other people think of me... so lol, i'm very dependent on the environment in this sense, and it's annoying... like, i can't generate myself to be myself... i can only be myself if everything else around me is working 100% normal...

yeah, & that means that i really depend on compliments and praises to give me some boost of self-esteem. but i guess, too much would give me too much pride, and over confidence. a balance is required, huh. =/

Anyways, wow, a very boring post indeed, i dunno why anyone would wanna read such an emo/random/worthless, stupid blog post, as stupid and pathetic as i am. =/

Wow, I spent 1 hour 10 mins blogging, it's now 1.15 AM... -_-"""